Missing Tết at Home: A Heartfelt Letter

To the Vietnamese who miss Tết at home…

You are far from home on Tết, and I feel your absence as I am writing this letter. The sun is setting on the last day of the lunar year, and the old tree in the garden has a handful of yellow mai flowers to show. The fire that cooked our Tết’s bánh chưng and bánh tét has died down to faint embers.

How are you spending your time away from home? Do you feel a pang of nostalgia for the place where you grew up, the place where you belong to? It’s where your loved ones are waiting (or were waiting) for you. You have fond memories of celebrating Tết there, wearing new clothes and receiving lucky money with joy; where you and your family eagerly prepared for the festive seasons, and had fun with your friends.

Hometown, often a humble place, where you may feel insignificant compared to the big cities, but there is a bond that tugs at your heart, making you yearn for it, especially on Tết holiday. It compels you to “return home for Tết” no matter what.

What scene will haunt your dreams as you spend Tết away from home? Could you still recall the offerings to the ancestors on the eve of the new year? The food was artfully displayed on the altar, fresh flowers brightened the vase, the copper censer glowed, and a gentle fragrance of incense wafted from the three sticks that your elders had reverently placed in the censer.

You stood in a spot of the room, feeling the warmth and sanctity of the place where you grew up, watching your loved ones walk by and whisper softly and respectfully. You felt a surge of wonder as if your ancestors had come back to see their descendants.

Then you might recall New Year’s Eve, the cusp of transition from the old to the new. Amid the cheerful sound of fireworks, you said to yourself: “The New Year is here, I wish you all the best!”. What did you do after that memorable moment?  Did you greet your parents and friends with a happy new year, jot down a note for New Year’s resolutions or visit the temple to seek good fortune? Or did you join your family and neighbors for a fun card game?

Have you ever wondered why we Vietnamese say we go home to “eat Tết” but not “rest for Tết” or “play in Tết”? I think it’s partly a custom, but more importantly, I feel that Tết food tastes bland if it’s not eaten at home. There would be bánh chưng, bánh tét, pickled vegetables, and sweets, but they would miss the warmth of home and the loving hands. So you can “rest for Tết” or “play in Tết” anywhere, but you can only “eat Tết” at home.

Going home to “eat Tết” means more than just enjoying homemade food or hometown delicacies. It means savoring the loving gaze of your parents, lending a hand to your mother and father with this and that for Tết. Have you ever thought, “If only I could be home this Tết, I would do this for my mom, and do that for my dad”? I have, and I kept putting off my wish, until the day it was too late.

Thanks to the Internet, you can connect with your home from anywhere in the world. You can see faces, talk to family, and hear stories about how your hometown is celebrating Tết, which is a way to share the joy of Tết from a distance. It may not be the same as being there, but it can still warm your heart, don’t you think?

I have seen many people who live far from home attempt to make a dish of jellied meat, a roll of Vietnamese head cheese, or a pot of braised bamboo shoots with pork, just to ease their nostalgia for Tết in their faraway hometown. If you have children, do you encourage them to cook with you, like your parents used to do with you in the past? Don’t just take them to the supermarkets to buy a lot of expensive Tết items that lack the taste of home.

You are blessed to have a “home” in the “hometown” to return to. But one day, even though you still have a “hometown”, you will miss the “home” that greets you, because your parents will no longer be there with you. Don’t be sad, because that is the way of the world. You still have your own home and your family. You can turn that house into a “home” for your children and grandchildren, so that the invisible string continues to grow and through that new “home” they will feel a bond to your old “home and hometown”.

You and I used to fear that the Tet atmosphere was fading away, and Tet would become just a normal holiday, no more “as fun as Tết”. My friend, I believe Tết will always be fun as long as we preserve the old Tết’s spirit in our hearts, and continue to strive to pass on traditional dishes, a sacred ancestor altar and Viet traditions to the next generation. Even though the modern Tết is not the same as the old Tết, in our hearts we always hold the roots of our homeland and the authentic taste of Tết. 

I hope you enjoy a Tết that is far from home in space but near to it in mind!

mlefood