Q&A with the Kitchen Gods

Some curious tales about the Kitchen Gods in Vietnam…

Today is the twenty-third of the last lunar month, the day the Kitchen Gods return to heaven for their annual report. I have always been curious about them, so I decide to try something daring. 

Standing in front of their offering tray on the kitchen counter, I silently pray: “Dear the Kitchen Gods, I have a few things I want to ask you, please come to see me.” 

That very night, as soon as I fall asleep, I see the three Kitchen Gods, one lady and two gentlemen, all of them look earnest and kind. The elderly lady standing in the middle smiles with me and asks kindly: “What do you want to ask us?” 

Oh my god, they do hear me! I happily begin: “There are some things I’ve wondered about the Kitchen Gods for a long time but didn’t know who to ask. Can I ask them now, Madam?” The three of them leisurely sat cross-legged in front of me, then Mrs. Kitchen God smiles: “You can start.”

Me: People say that the Kitchen Gods in Vietnam originated from some deities in China like Tudi Gong (Earth God) and Zao Shen (Kitchen God). Is that right?

Mrs. Kitchen God: Since the time humans discovered fire, they have always worshiped the God of Fire, as did the ancient Vietnamese people. We are the Gods of Fire, and the story about how we come to exist is up to humans’ creativeness. Perhaps the ancient Vietnamese saw that the cooker was only stable with three legs, so they came up with the story of having three Kitchen Gods. Thanks to that, we can be happy like this (smiles).

Me: I see, but why “two men and one woman” and not “two women and one man”?

Mrs. Kitchen God: Have you forgotten that ancient Vietnamese people followed a matriarchy? Therefore, a woman can have two husbands, but a man cannot have two wives. (Two Mr. Kitchen Gods secretly sigh)

Me: I got it, thank you. China has followed the patriarchy for a long time, so their Kitchen Gods are usually depicted as a man and a woman, or only a man, which is different from the Vietnamese belief. 

Mrs. Kitchen God: You know how to connect the dots. Good girl!

Me: I am sorry to ask this question, but do you know why the offerings for the Kitchen Gods include robes, headcovers, and shoes but not pants? 

Mrs. Kitchen God: In fact, we sit all day in the kitchen near the fire, so we feel very hot and we don’t need such complicated costumes. People just want us to wear them to look like a mandarin. You see, in the ancient paintings, the mandarin’s robe used to be long enough to cover his pants, so gradually people took out the pants in their offerings.

Mr. Kitchen God 1: They even used this detail to make fun of us. I don’t remember who the author is, but have you heard this poem:

“On the 23th, Mr. Kitchen God went up for a spring break

Wearing a headcover and shoes but no pants

God asked: why do you dress like that?

He answered: The mortals are just reforming.” 

Mr. Kitchen God 2: They even said that we “wear less” so we “do less”:

“The Elder sat on a golden throne,

Eating more, wearing more, and worrying more.

The Kitchen God sat in a pile of ashes,

Eating less, wearing less, worrying less, and doing less.” 

Mrs. Kitchen God: They just tried to be humorous, no need to bother!

Me: I see people in the North of Vietnam offering carps, people in the Central offering paper horses, and people in the South offering paper “flying storks and running horses”. May I ask which animal do you like to ride the most?

Mr. Kitchen God 1: I like riding horses, they look majestic.

Mr. Kitchen God 2: And I like to change vehicles, so I use horses on the roads, storks in the air and carps in the water.

Mrs. Kitchen God: Don’t take their talk seriously. In this age of automation, we just need to press a button and appear in heaven in the blink of an eye. We never care that much about what to ride.

Me: Wow, heaven is so modern now, but can you tell me why people offer you different riding animals?

Mrs. Kitchen God: Probably because of the legend of a carp crossing Vũ Môn waterfall and turning into a dragon, people think we have to ride a carp to fly to heaven. Have you heard this folk song:

“On the fourth day, the carps go to take an oath,

On the eighth day, they return to cross Vu Mon waterfall.”

I have searched on the Internet and found that Huong Khe district in Ha Tinh province has a majestic waterfall named Vũ Môn. Let me see, if I meet Lac Long Quan (Dragon Lord) in heaven this year, I will ask him if he was a carp before he became a dragon.

Mr. Kitchen God 1: Why do you waste your time asking? Would he admit he was only a carp before he became a dragon?

Me: What about the flying stork and the running horse? I know in the past, people liked to ride horses to move fast. Horses could also fly like Thanh Giong’s horse, but why do you need a stork?

Mr. Kitchen God 1: It’s not a stork but a crane. This is according to the “carrying horse and crane” ritual of Taoism and Buddhism (1). After worshiping, people burn papers of their prayers along with the one having images of a flying crane and a running horse, so that they can carry their prayers to the Buddha and the Gods.

Mrs. Kitchen God: You know quite a lot, don’t you?

Mr. Kitchen God 1: You know how to search online, why don’t I? 

Me: I see that sometimes people worship the Kitchen Gods on the altar in the middle of the house, especially in the ancient three-room Southern houses, but most people worship the Kitchen Gods in the kitchen. What is the right place for that?

Mr. Kitchen God 2: Let me explain it to you. The one worshiped on the altar in the middle of the house is called the Kitchen God of Blessing. He often sits together with the God of War and the Earth God. The one worshiping in the kitchen is called the Kitchen God of Fire. (2) 

The custom of worshiping three Gods on the main altar came from Chinese immigrants in the South. Later, people found it inconvenient to worship the Kitchen Gods in two places, so they only worship us in the kitchen. The God of War returned to his country, and the Earth God went down to sit with the God of Wealth in a small altar on the floor.

Me: Oh, is it that simple? It’s convenient for us, but is it convenient for the Gods?

Mrs. Kitchen God: No problem with us. As long as people live decently and virtuously, we’re happy. People are afraid that we will report their bad deeds to the Jade Emperor, but in fact we don’t need to say anything. There has been a saying “You reap what you sow”, right?

Me: Yes, that’s for sure. If people don’t live decently, there is no way to avoid the consequences regardless of how much sweets they offer to the Kitchen Gods. 

By the way, Southern people offer you a funny sweet named “thèo lèo cứt chuột”. It includes peanut candy, black sesame candy, and sugar-coated peanuts. “Thèo lèo” is the Vietnamese pronunciation of a Teochew word meaning “candies for tea” (3), but what is “cứt chuột” (rat shit)? Some people say it’s black sesame candy because of its color, but author Vuong Hong Sen said it is the sugar-coated peanuts (4). Which one is right?

Mrs. Kitchen God (looking at the others): I’m on a diet so I don’t eat sweets. You two have a sweet tooth, you can tell her.

Mr. Kitchen God 1: I never care about the names. I think Vuong Hong Sen is right since he has lived for a long time. But now you guys only like beautiful names, no one calls it the rat shit candy anymore, so why bother?

Mrs. Kitchen God: It’s time for us to leave. You should behave well and do your work diligently, don’t be lazy! In heaven we still have a 4G magic mirror to monitor what’s going on at home.

Mr. Kitchen God 2: You’re so outdated. This year the magic mirror has been upgraded to 5G.

Me: Sure, I will try my best. I wish you a safe journey and happy holidays.

They smile and wave, then with a whoosh, all three vanish into thin air. I suddenly wake up and quickly grab a piece of paper to write my dream down before it fades away. When I finish, the rooster crows to announce the dawn. I am still sleepy, but remembering Mrs. Kitchen God’s advice, I leapt out of bed. A new day full of energy begins! 

Notes:

(1) & (2):  Trần Phỏng Diều, “Tục thờ Ông Táo ở Nam Bộ”, Jan 31 2021. 

(3) Huỳnh Tịnh Của, Đại Nam Quấc Âm Tự Vị, Nxb Rey, Curiol & Cie 1895, tr. 1000.

(4) Vương Hồng Sển, Ăn cơm mới, nói chuyện cũ: Hậu Giang Ba Thắc, Nxb Trẻ 2012, tr. 25.

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